a boring prologue

i am sort of particular

in order to sleep
i need a completely blacked out room
i cover even the vent so not even a hint of light enters the room
a fan needs to running
blowing cold air on my face no matter what season of the year it is
i have a queen sized bed
and i often wake up at a 45 degree angle from where i started
then i usually cant function without a shower in the morning

when a stranger talks to me
i usually shrink away
i dont like to talk to people i dont know
and certainly overact whenever a stranger touches me

i am not an outdoorsman
i hated camping as a kid
and i dont do it as an adult
i dont walk much let alone hike

even though i dont really like most people
i am not good at being alone
i tend to stay close to home

i am terrible driver
in the last year
i totaled my car
dented my dads truck with my moms bumper
majorly scraped the side of my moms car along a pole
backed my new car into my dads truck again
then smashed the front passenger side of my car
when i tried to pull over to watch fireworks

i get road rage a lot
just going to the mall
the other day
i probably said
fuck you
close to a dozen times

i am
impatient
angry
generally unhappy

i dont have many friends
and the majority of that small number
dont even like me that much

i quit my job mostly out of pride
but i was miserable
not with the work
i hated being associated with shitty human beings
but the half hour commute drove me nuts

so it makes perfect sense
that i am packing up my car
and heading west

a long road trip
sleeping in my car
alone
where i know no one
no safety of loving home with loving parents
doing things i am uncomfortable doing

i wasnt always this way
and certainly i dont want to stay this way

i am homesick
but dont know where i am missing